hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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