I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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