The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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