Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
