is your mom at the bar?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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