yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
