I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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