I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
