I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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