I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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