Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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