I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
