I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you traded sex for a burrito?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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