It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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