he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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