You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
