i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
