When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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