i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
