Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
