question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
