I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
