There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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