sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
whose parrot is this?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
