awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
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