she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think I just sharted jello shots
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
