the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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