Whod you bang
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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