Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
