You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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