my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
