Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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