it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
