shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
