i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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