My first STD was from a foam party
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I need to align my fucking chakras
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