How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
