you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
