we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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