I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
