4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
