someone owes me an orgasm
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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