Its about making memories worth repressing
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
