Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
