just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
