He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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