whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
