oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
