Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
