I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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