that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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