you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
